3oth April 2012

Monday 30th April 2012
I watched a tv series show and suddenly some of the memories came back to me. I don't know why, but out of sudden i just felt that I had been treating him so bad. I shouldnt have do so. If, It's not because of me I dont think there's reason for us to break at all. Looks like I am repeating my own same mistakes. If only there's a chance for me to fix it, but I knew it wouldnt be possible. So, for now I just hope he will be happy and laugh as usual. I knew if I don't give up all of us are going to suffer. What I can do now is wishing that he is happy. Loving a person doesnt mean you have to get him/her. It can also mean wanting the person to be happy. I realizes that he is not happy when he is with me. So, why do I have to determine on it? I had been hurting 2 guys in my life. I dont have the right to love someone if I don't learn from my mistakes. I cant forgive myself for the mistakes I did. God had been giving two good guy in my life but I just dint appreciate them well. Regretting wont change anything. So, it's only the matter of changing. Before starting a relationship, I must be able to learn all my mistakes first. Or else, the outcome will still be the same.
My exam is near and I had been preparing since last week. So, I guess I can score it? Hopefully...

29th April 2012

29th April 2012
Yesterday there was a rally on Bersih thingy, I was thinking why do they have to do so? The result still the same no matter what, so why waste time? The country aint that peace after all. People fighting with people, people stepping on each other in order to climb higher, people backstabbing each other, telling the lies in order to survive in the world is all i seen in this world. Competition is everywhere. The world now is getting more and more complicated for a simple person. This morning, i follow my dad to pasar and see the old people all selling veges, fish, chicken.. Although they are poor, but they live happily with their own income. Why need money, if it doesnt make our life happier. But, without money, can we be happy? Went to bath, and suddenly burst in to tears. Just so sudden, and wanted someone to be with me. I understand the feeling of alone. But somehow, i was glad that my parent are at home. At least not that lonely, but i need someone who i can talk anything. The stress in me, the sadness all i kept it to my ownself. And, like what my friend said, it will burst someday. It's just the matter of time. Appreciation is the most important thing i had learn through this whole semester. I somehow regretted many things and hope chances will be given. But as time goes by, it doesnt matter anymore.
AIM FOR THE NEXT SEM!
1) Be SLIM
2) Be SMART
3) Get someone who will make me love him and he love me. =P
4) Healthy
5) Be POPULAR ( haha.. )

it's all about him.

MRC finally made it to best club. I went to Malacca and also to Muar for MMU awards day and celebrating my friend birthday.
22 April 2012
Woke up in the morning and ready to go back to cyberjaya. On my way home, we stopped by at a supermarket. I just suddenly feel like crying. I just dont know why. I knew something was wrong but I do not know what is it. The whole journey made me feel worst than ever. I started to remembering back the moment me and him together. I knew it was the past and he doesnt love me anymore. I am the one who is still clinging on this relationship. I feel myself so stupid for still hanging on to it. Well, I actually can feel that he is in love with another girl but he just doesn't want to tell me. Maybe I was too deeply fall in to it, that's why till now i can still regret and cry for it. I am just too useless, maybe.

=)

Skies are crying, I am watching
Catching tear drops in my hands
Only silence as it's ending
Like we never had a chance
Do you have to make me feel like
There's nothing left of me?

[Chorus:]
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

[Verse 2:]
As the smoke clears, I awaken
And untangle you from me
Would it make you feel better
To watch me while I bleed?
All my windows still are broken
But I'm standing on my feet

[Chorus:]
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

[Bridge:]
Go run, run, run
I'm gonna stay right here,
Watch you disappear
Yeah, oh
Go run, run, run
Yeah, it's a long way down
But I am closer to the clouds up here

[Chorus:]
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Oh Oh
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

(Like a skyscraper)

Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper

14th April 2012

I have learned a lot of stuff this whole week when I see how "xing fu" my friend is. The true happiness isnt all about fame, money, or egoistic. It's about being with the person you love. And, this is what I dint notice before this. If, i had given another chance to love a person, I would definitely remember this statement. Happiness cant be bought. This is what I strongly agree on it. The true happiness I am seeking for is receiving msgs from the person I loved, seeing him every night, spending time together either by doing simple things or watching drama together. I would definitely be grateful if I could ever feel that again. I had been thinking of him all this while but i just couldnt tell it out. You can see my smile and hear my laughter but deep in my heart i still missing him. I just dont know why. Everything I do, I would think of the moment we together. But, I knew my wishes wouldnt come true all I can  do is to keep my smile. I had been sleeping for only 5-6 hours this week. I don't know why but I just couldnt sleep without receiving his msgs.
Mid term exam had gone. Was kinda disappointed as I missed one question that carries 10 marks. but, I was happy receiving his msg on that night.

Last day of my busy life.. hope everything goes well.

4th April 2012

I just realizes that all I need is just a simple lifestyle.  I had never been so regretted in my life before. The things I did and the things I said. If only I could make it right again. A simple life like waking up in the morning and receiving messages from ur loved one, sharing problems with each other and chatting with each other will be a very happy life for me. Well, appreciating people surrounding you is what I had learned. When I started to learn bout this, it's too late for everything and regretting will not do anything better. How I wish if time could turn back to that time. I found myself can hardly smile back like last time. I am forced to give a smile. But, as my friend says time will heal everything. I really hope that everything will be fine soon. =)

3rd April 2012

I can't sleep last night and I do not know why. I was just thinking, If time could ever turn back all this things wouldn't happen. It's so out of sudden. Somehow I regreted that I do not take any action before this and when I started to take action, It's all too late. I have been struggling all this while and in my life, there's only a few things that made me really happy. But, all those is just like a dream. I found that I had been dreaming all this while, and when I woke up It does leave some impact on me. I do not know why God had created my journey to be like that, but I do not blame on anyone else but myself. In everything I do, I never regret in the end. But, what I did recently really makes me regret in every single way. I felt so alone. Well, nobody is perfect. I am not perfect either. The most touching moment is when some one is willing to change for the loved one. But, what is the most hurtful is when the change doesnt appreciate by the other person. I am not a person who easily give up. But, when it comes to an end, I had to give up. If, I dont give up It will only cause more hurt to both parties. Hmmm, all goes according to plan, I had decided to be a successful woman in the future since I have no confidence in love anymore. Every guy starts with he's different, but end with he is just the same with others. For now, I just hope that I can excel in my studies. That's all I need.